I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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