which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
