I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
