When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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