Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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