Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
