I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
