If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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