mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
