I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
