you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
