My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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