Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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