My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
