Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
