you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
