I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
