I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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