whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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