Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
