So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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