shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
