I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
