Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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