And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
