i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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