Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
