How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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