dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
