It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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