just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
