she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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