they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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