Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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