Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
