Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
