i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
