I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
