woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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