Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
