Don't you send me to vm
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
