Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
