her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
God, I missed his penis.
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