Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
