it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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