I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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