I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
