I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
