Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
