He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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