While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
