her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
