"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
